Move on, or maybe it will pass eventually???
There are certain things and times in life where we can draw clear line between ending and beginning. When is your semester kicking in? When is it ended? When did you meet your partner? When were you born? When did your grandpa die? and so on.
As human being, we live through uncountable phases. We may, with the help of logics (or method of thinking, knowledge, whatever you may call it) simplify the phases. Early birth, infant, toddler, childhood, teenage, adolescent,adulthood, senior, -and of course ends with death (well, unless you believe in life after death). It depends on your perspective, you can end up with hundreds way of dividing life in stages.
But life (and here you can replace with reality) is never as simple as we want it to be. There are phases of life that are blurry, hazy, and indescribable. There are stages that we aware of after we grow out of them. There are even, some of us, or some of the stages, who would never realize that we've been through some episodes of life.
Maybe that's the point. How can we realize an episode, a stage, a level, a step, a room, a boundary, without start and end point? Maybe, not realizing it is the best attitude toward life maturity process. Blessed ignorance, the other saying goes.
I am no blessed ignorance (somethings that I really need to learn!). Call it thoughtful, reflective, or just absurd complex, I am 'it'.
So this year 2011, is the beginning of my new semester for sure (oh think about thousands of words that I should write d'oh!), and also new kind of life. Not totally different with what I had before, but still they're not the same.
To begin with, I broke up (yeah, I can hear sound of protest in my head, some even yell ungrateful bit*h). Well, blame me! I take my responsibility. Yep, it's me who ended it. I'm a selfish, arrogant, prideful, egoist, snob girl. I am lousy, not the kind of girl who you should consider if you are contemplating serious relationship. The credits for our four years something relationship should all go to him. I spiced the journey, he drove and struggled with the road, no one dealt with the destination: we got lost. Then we rushed to our maps and look, we have different ones now. How come? I don't have any idea. So, thank you it has been a nice trip, but I'm sorry, I'm heading somewhere else and so are you. I gently got off the car.
We' re cool, we try to be as grown up as we can be (sometimes being adult not equal to being rational). We still share whatever happens in life, still chatting, still texting, not much of a difference. Of course, we cut off those sweet words, or public display of affection. However, since we rarely had them before, it doesn't feel different, like there is nothing really change (so fundamentally what we had is just a deep care for each other with some sparks of physical attraction to legitimately call it 'relationship'). I still care for him, that's one thing for sure!
I moved from previous house, that 's something I should consider as part of new life. Things didn't go very well, not as well as I expected. The need to belong to a piece of shelter is so damn crucial that I had to leave despite all the consequences and emotional turbulence incurred. My new house I share with two aussie guys. One is doing PhD in art, the other is a public servant who like to watch Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men (I can be the half man :-) ). They are clean and simple. There's no constant 'what-will-they-think' kind of tension in my mind. Life with guys, if you don't like the way they do things, just spit it out in a civil way. No offense, no talking behind your back. No drama
Talking about drama, I recently saved myself from two of them. Well, they hadn't been developed into drama yet, but close. I managed to pass. I don't need this, and I stopped them there. I'll elaborate it other posts (if I can force myself to =p ).
So, in the end of this writing, I just want to say, as a human sometimes you need to stop and say to yourself, this it what I call an end (be it relationship, be it activity, be it addiction, be it status quo, or life as a whole) and move to the new beginning. The new start might constitute a small part of your cosmic life, while the other parts keep moving on, not arriving to their own ends yet, or it can be your whole life, it really depends on the way you see it. The point is to move on by renewing things or maybe you don't have to. Don't read my blog for advices in life :D.
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