Sophie: A Tale of Love and Violence

‘You must leave him. He’ll only hurt you’

‘No, I love him. You don’t understand love, Clara! If you do, you wouldn’t break up with your ex just because afraid of being hurt’

Saya tersentak. Begitulah percakapan saya dan teman saya, Sophie* berakhir. Usaha saya meyakinkan Sophie untuk meninggalkan pacarnya yang tidak hanya mentally tapi juga physically violent, membentur tembok.

Sophie adalah seorang perempuan Fiji yang bekerja sebagai asisten administrasi di RRRT (Regional Rights Resource Team), tempat saya magang selama tiga bulan. Usianya tak jauh beda dari saya. Walaupun tak punya gelar segudang, Sophie, menurut saya benar-benar cerdas. Sophie seringkali mematahkan argumen saya (yang di-back up oleh teori-teori yang saya pelajari) dengan menunjukkan dimensi lain yang saya tak pernah pikirkan.

Percakapan ini terjadi di minggu pertama 2012. Seminggu sebelumnya, di hari pertama ngantor, Sophie datang dengan beberapa luka di wajahnya. Salah satu matanya biru. Alasannya, dia terjatuh dari tangga. Dan saya percaya. Mungkin itulah alasan mengapa besoknya Sophie bercerita tentang pacarnya ke saya. Dari saat itu saya tahu betapa kasarnya pacar Sophie, George. Saat itu Sophie mengutarakan niat untuk berpisah dari pacarnya. Saya mendukung.

Selang beberapa hari kemudian Sophie absen dari kantor. Supervisor saya menanyakan keberadaannya karena saya dinilai dekat dengan Sophie. Respon saya, ‘hello, you know her for years already’. Tapi katanya, Walaupun semua staf mahfum dengan kasarnya George, Sophie tak pernah bercerita tentang George kepada siapapun kecuali saya. Saya panik. Saya telepon sana-sini (hp sophie disita George). Mulai dari ibunya, neneknya (Sophie anak tunggal of an amazing single mom), temannya, semua tanpa hasil. Besoknya Sophie kembali ke kantor, kali ini mengutarakan niatnya untuk menikah dengan George.

Setelah percakapan itu saya kembali ke meja kerja dan harus menulis laporan tentang bagaimana undang-undang dapat mengurangi angka kekerasan terhadap perempuan. Yeah, right!! Di depan saya adalah Sophie yang mengerti tentang HAM, gender, feminisme dan bekerja di LSM yang memperjuangkan hak-hak perempuan. Dan satu kata, cinta, a mere feeling, bisa menegasikan semua hal itu. Hari itu saya merenung panjang.

Sophie, tentu saja, tak sendiri. Di Pasifik, termasuk Fiji, kekerasan fisik terhadap perempuan dialami oleh tak kurang dari 68 persen perempuan (UNWOMEN 2011). Jangan tanya tentang kekerasan mental (Tak hanya perempuan sebenarnya. Saya punya seorang teman dekat pria yang pernah terjebak in a mentally abusive relationship). Banyak LSM, termasuk RRRT mengusahakan berbagai strategi untuk mengurangi angka ini dan mengadvokasi hak asasi perempuan. Tapi apalah arti semua ini, jika sebagian besar hak perempuan dinegosiasikan dalam ranah privat, seperti hubungan romantis atau keluarga. Dan seringkali solusi yang diberikan membebani, mendiskreditkan dan menyalahkan perempuan yang menjadi korban. Seperti Sophie pernah bertanya pada saya, ‘Do you think I am stupid for falling in love with George?’

Tapi ini tidak hanya terjadi di Pasifik yang terkenal dengan budaya patriakisnya**. Di Australia, saya berteman Nicole yang memiliki partner yang mentally abusive. Nicole tak diperbolehkan bekerja padahal Nicole sangat menyadari potensinya. Partner-nya merasa tersaingi, begitu observasi Nicole. Nicole memutuskan untuk bercerai. Sebuah kesempatan bekerja di ANU memaksanya untuk memilih. Berat. Nicole membawa Terry, putrinya, hijrah ke Canberra, dan harus rela terpisah dari Damien, putranya yang memutuskan tinggal dengan ayahnya di Brisbane.

Selain Nicole, saya juga berteman dengan Allison yang memutuskan berpisah dari suaminya, setahun setelah anak pertama (dan satu-satunya) lahir. Sekarang putranya berusia 12 tahun, dan teman saya ini tetap single sampai sekarang. Lagi-lagi berat. Tapi ini tak memudarkan niatnya untuk mengaktualisasikan diri. Malahan, being single, menurutnya memudahkan dia untuk mengejar mimpi-mimpinya dan tinggal di banyak negara, mulai dari Cina, Amerika, hingga kini Australia. She’s a qualified nurse and social worker with law and public policy degree. What could be more? And in doing so, she provides her son with a lot of great experiences.

Tapi tanya mereka, apakah keputusan untuk meninggalkan abusive partner itu mudah? A big NO is what you get. Butuh bertahun-tahun dan kesempatan emas di ANU untuk Nicole berani bercerai. Butuh sakit hati berkepanjangan dan dukungan keluarga untuk Gladys berani berpisah. Tanya mereka, seberapa dalam perasaan mereka kepada partner-nya? Chances are, they will say, ‘Of course I love him’.

Jika Nicole dan Gladys berakhir dengan manis, saya belum tahu apa yang bakal terjadi dengan Sophie. Karena takut kehilangan kepercayaannya (nantinya kalau ada apa-apa dengan dia, Sophie tak mau cerita lagi), saya berusaha menerima kehadiran George. Beberapa kali kita clubbing, saya dan seorang teman lain harus rela ‘dikawal’ oleh George dan bermanis-manis ria karena jika tidak, Sophie harus menanggung konsekuensinya. Di farewell party saya, George hadir. Betapa saya ingin mengatakan ‘Leave her alone’, but instead I said, ‘Please treat her well’.

Saya masih harus belajar banyak. Dulu, saya selalu percaya bahwa manusia itu rasional dan kalkulatif (no wonder I never work out my relationship :P). Namun, Sophie memaksa saya untuk meredefinisikan perspektif saya. Seperti kala itu, Sophie menunjukkan bahwa feelings, no matter how irrational they might be, are integral part of human decision.

*Semua nama adalah nama samaran

**Ada beberapa yang berargumen definisi budaya patriakis yang umum digunakan sangat simplistik. Perempuan Samoa misalnya mempunyai power yang besar tergantung posisinya di dalam sebuah klan. Segregasi public and private juga memberikan keuntungan buat mobilitas perempuan dan menentukan peran krusial mereka dalam masyarakat. Intinya kalau perempuan mogok masak, tak ada pekerjaan public yang bisa terselesaikan. Banyak yang berpendapat urbanisasi dan industrialisasi-lah yang menciptakan ruang kekerasan thd perempuan.

Dear Clara

Clara!

I don't know if it is your story or if it is your writing, or may be both. But, your e-mail is remarkably riveting and engaging, as evident from the passion with which it is written.

T is going through a phase which is not very different from what you are going through - strange land, huge opportunities, new relationships, uncertain future. It is natural for people in the school to see both of you and form their own understanding of where you both are in terms of your academic careers. As for you, it is important to recognise the signs of competition, and to acknowledge the feelings and frustrations that accompany them. Instead of having to score points to assert dominance within competition, one can go a long way by saying to themselves that they have nothing to lose. Your life is ahead of you, many opportunities are ahead of you, and competition can only make your life better if you are able to handle it healthily by seeing opportunities through them. I always use the analogy of the government and the opposition. You govern your life. Outside competition although, can influence your life which you govern. Whilst most governments tend to defend their point of view by justifying their views as better, a good government takes the criticisms and challenges as opportunities for shaping and expanding their vision. There is nothing here for you to prove, nothing to defend, nothing to lose and a hell of a lot to gain. So use this T episode to identify what you have learnt through this, and utilise it to shape your vision for your life. It could even include simple things like: who are my real friends? How do I learn to handle competition effectively? How can I handle situations without running away from them, denying them or sweeping them under the carpet? etc etc. I think you are learning lots through this, and I am very optimistic that you will learn more as days go by.

Coming to your questions about me. Yes, I am applying to Oxford and Cambridge for a Master’s degree which will eventually lead into a PhD. My topic of research will be to expand on the God/humanity/creation interrelation in the Old Testament scriptures, focusing on psalms, proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Job. I will certainly be applying for scholarship, without which, I will find it very hard. I stare at Sophie's world every day. It is on my bed, begging to be read. I have been getting 2 hours sleep each night of late, which is why Sophie continues to wait for me. The same applies to Le Petite Prince, which is why I am kind of looking forward to the Christmas holidays.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the simplest things. I love to read and hear your stories, and I never see them silly. As a matter of fact I feel privileged that another person's experience can inform and influence my own life. So you and your stories are welcome as ever.

Good luck with all your preparations for Fiji. Have a blast.

The Piano Man

Dear Piano Man

Dear Piano Man,

Not sure why I write this email. Maybe because I feel guilty letting our catch up time consumed with my silly stories (and oh that good 15 mins of me crying my heart out and losing all my guards). and I do want to hear your stories. But thanks anyway

So, what's happening in your life? You told me you're applying for PhD? Where? Which universities? What's the topic of your research? Are you applying for scholarship too?Did you read all the books I gave to you? Sophie's world? Le Petite Prince? If so, how do you find them? Is there any interesting bit? Guess, for me those two fictions significantly framed my world views, my narratives (although, the narratives, of course, are constantly changing)

Hmm, alright, guess I know now why I'm writing email to you. I need to talk to someone, someone... you. Today has been of a bit of emotional turbulence. I met with my professor who helped me finding and arranging my internship in Fiji (he even arranged accommodation for me, such an ace!!)He introduced me to some members of the organisation that I'll work with. It was nice and good.

Then he told me that T came to him and asked him to endorse her internship. Guess I was a bit irritated because of that. Feel like I couldn't escape this girl. And my prof hinted something like, 'I smell you both are so in competition with each other'. Hate that!! I mean now the whole school knows. I just feel it’s inescapable now, everyone will compare us. and I am not strong enough not to resist to be consumed in this pointless comparison and competition.

I am so afraid that I would lose my track, and ability to actually 'be here' and enjoy things that I have. I guess in competition, you always look forward to score points, to affirm your advancement against others. This is so pointless and will hinder me to have a genuine interaction. It turns my 'friendship' with T into self-serving interaction to satisfy a selfish and egoistic affirmation of fragile self-definition. Maybe i don't really have a friendship with her since the very beginning. I don't know

Well, now I feel better. I've put it into words and I can observe my feelings. I feel lighter and I guess I can start building up my effort to get out of this silly frame.I just feel sad, for the fact, that what I thought was a real friendship or at least what could have been a real friendship is probably a fake one. Will there be any real friendship? how could you tell? Will there be any sincere unselfish relationship? how can you tell? All these things with T make me even more sceptical. I felt I've been fooled.

Anyway, now I don't know whether I should hit the send button or not? (click it actually). I decided to send it, for I would like to believe, friendship can happen

Have a good day

Cla

Home: A sanctuary of life

what is home for you?

Is it a place? For most, we associate home with a concrete building with walls and roofs, with door of which we own the key to enter in. It's stood somewhere where we can point in the map. It has address, either a geo-wise or social-wise direction (33 Antill Street, or next to the church which pastor was accused of having an affair).

Is it a person/persons? Family, friends, partners, kids? We say people at home to refer to our families. When we say, "I miss home", often what we mean is, "I miss my family, my comfort zone, people who love me and accept me the way I am, people who mean much to me".

Is it a memory? Good, sweet, comforting, securing, encouraging, warm, upsetting? childhood memories? the cute guy next door? when you and mom baked new year's cake in the middle of night? your dad planted a kiss on your forehead? that first kiss with your crush? all the giggles with your friends? maybe


What reminds you of home? A smell? of your mom's favorite perfume, of your dad's body odor, of restaurant next door spices, of cheap coffee-to-go, of minyak kayu putih, of a rose. A taste? of a tea, of beef rendang, of Indomie :D. An image? A song? A chant?

There's a sense that home should be a fixed entity, be it a place, a person, or a memory. A reservation that remains still, where we can resort, if we get tired of the ups and downs in life. It's always there, somewhere definitive of which we are all equipped with familiar maps and direction. So if Sally gets upset about something, she only needs to think of that sweet memory of her 17th birthday.

I don't know, I am not as lucky as Sally. I have bits of all those things, at the same time, none of them. I don't feel belong to any association with home. Medan, it's no longer feel home to me (come to think of it, I wonder, if I ever felt Medan my home?). Jogja, hmm, it's always there, its door always opens. Once I forced it to be my home, tried to shape it, change it, tailor it to my definition of home. I lost. Jogja doesn't feel like home yet, I always want to come back. Tokyo, I don't think it has a place for me there and vice versa. Canberra, it's comforting but don't feel belong here.

Family, friends? Well, I am an emotionally independent person. I love them, truly. I just don't feel like coming back. I miss them sometimes, but honestly, what's more important for me is for them to live a happy, fulfilling, peaceful lives without me. I'll love them from a far, sincerely.

So what's home for me? Life for me is a journey of constantly refined destination, it's about getting there not being there. I guess if home is where your heart is, it's within me all the time. The life is my heart. My home is on the road, the path, the journey I take. A moving sanctuary of life.

1 Anno Canberrae

It's one year in Canberra (2 days ago, more precisely)

So much has happened since June 3rd 2010. I think a year in Canberra has offered me many opportunities to learn so many aspects of life, not only in academic stuff, but more importantly real life lessons.

I've met so many people from different backgrounds and I cherish each of them, even the one who did some harm to me. I think, each person life has brought to me, taught me essential clues that I should learn to proceed my journey.

I lost some good connections. The distance between me and some people were widened for better. It's a difficult lesson to understand that, sometimes, things are better left abandoned. I guess, it's a part of knowing when to let go, when to fight for maintaining the relationship, and when to change the relationship. Knowing that sometimes things and relationships take on their nature courses, and there's completely nothing wrong with that.

Nevertheless, I also have been trying to maintain good relations and to connect and interact more genuinely, less selfishly, with many once-strangers: a lovely perfectionist lady in Islamabad, a skeptic yet hopeful Vietnamese girl, a sarcastic yet encouraging academic adviser, a patience atheist-biologist, an arrogant yet gentle musical theologists, an enthusiast Chinese faith-seeker, a coffee-addict Egyptian girl, an ex journalist who is obsessed in Indonesia, a friendly yet muscly Pakistan, a helpful Bhutanese guy, and an Afghan boy who couldn't stop laughing. These are the people that Canberra has kindly introduced me and I hope the list will keep on going. Interacting with people and listening to their stories are, for me, the way to celebrate life that I am forever grateful for.

For these people, the lessons they've been teaching me, for many other reasons, and for people and lessons to come:

to Canberra, I say thank you
to God, I say thank you

and to these once-strangers, I say thank you, friends :))

Sahabat - Prolog

Sahabat

Saya memutuskan untuk menulis blog dalam bahasa Indonesia lagi karena topik yang satu ini, sahabat. Sulit sekali menemukan padanan kata sahabat dalam bahasa Inggris. Mungkin saja karena bahasa Inggris saya masih amburadul dan saya belum sepenuhnya mengerti makna yang terkandung dalam kata-kata seperti friends, buddy, mate, pal, dan sebagainya. Sahabat, hanya satu kata, tujuh fonem yang menangkap begitu banyak adegan dalam perjalanan hidup saya.

Bagaimana persahabatan dimulai? Apa yang membuat saya memutuskan untuk memanggil teman saya ini sahabat? Mungkinkah persahabatan berakhir? Kapan dan bagaimana? Ah teman, saya pun tidak mengerti. Apa yang saya mengerti, saya adalah orang yang berbahagia setiap kali saya menghitung sahabat saya. Sahabat saya tak banyak, tak perlu banyak, cukup untuk berbagi kesedihan, dan melipatgandakan kebahagiaan bersama.

For Clara

Allow me to write about thing that might sounds a bit bragging. It really is nothing. I mean this is the thing that some people post in their walls, write in their statuses, and you wish that there is a 'Like I Care' button to click!!! I am fully aware of this. But, trust me dear readers, I just feel happy, simply that's what i feel now. And I just want to jot this moment and freeze it in words. So, in times where I find everything is bleak, this simple kind of happiness might sip back into my heart and light the days!! So please bear with me!

Well, recently my days has been so gloomy and lonely. I think I can blame the changing weather partly for my misery. Canberra has decided to test my mood and I, so far, lost points. It's really cold, windy (strong, freezy, and dry), and cloudy as well. Like 3 days ago, the temperature plunged into 5 degree. Hello, I thought we're still in the beginning of autumn here!! And along with falling leaves, falls does my mood. I have a terrible SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder) or winter blues (only it's fall, not yet winter). That's why a lot of suicide attempts are done in winter.

So, you can imagine how it feels to find a small package addressed to you at 9 am in the morning. You haven't had any breakfast, still in that pyjama where you can hide yourself in, a thick and long socks, bedhead hair, unwashed face and you opened your door and looked down at your feet, found this small box with your name written on it!! Trust me, it feels like summer in June (we're talking about southern hemisphere here).

It was a thank you gift from my professor in ANU. She is so damn sweet and considerate!! Like three days ago I emailed her (she is by the way, in Norway now on sabbatical leave) to ask about internship opportunity. She replied and gave me some contact numbers (I've contacted them, no reply yet, finger crossed!!). She then asked my address for a completely different things. I didn't ask for what but I gave her. So, the thank you gift is the 'completely different thing' she mentioned before.

For some background, this lecturer named Sharon Bessell is the main reason I chose Crawford School ANU. She has done an extensive work on children in Indonesia (and also in Fiji and Australia). She teaches Children and Youth Policy in Crawford (but not this year, hopefully next year when I'm eligible to take elective courses, children and youth policy will be offered once again). I think, Crawford School is the only school of public policy that has particular course in children, other university has that under department of social work which kind of far from my background in politics. So, yeah I chose Crawford and got to meet and know this amazing lady.

She is really friendly and approachable. Her lecture is really interesting and engaging (she was one the guest lecturer in one of my current courses). She is the kind of person who enters a room of indifferent people and can melt the ice, people just feel her warmth and radiant. Trust me, it's not only me who says this. My academic advisor actually adores her! And it's hard to get a genuine compliment for this academic advisor of mine, even if you're a professor (he likes to mock our director and some professors =P)

The reason for this thank you gift is that I helped her as an interpreter in her workshop about a month ago. She asked me to help her and hell yes, I immediately grabbed that offer. It was a very rewarding activity. I actually the one who should thank her for giving me that opportunity. I did learnt a looooot!! I'll write another post on that workshop. And moreover, I am paid for that, so this gift is a personal appreciation.

I am happy.

So, let me for the first time ( it feels like a first time) embrace this small, simple happiness and feel genuinely happy without thinking,'ok, so what is exactly you want from me?'. It's not grand, it's not overwhelming like a big wave crashes the rock. It's just a simple act of kindness that seeps into your heart like a small river flow :))

The Piano Man

I have this urgency to write at the time when I should revisit all the tutorials for tomorrow's exam. But who cares! The best feeling in life comes when you do things you shouldn't do *grinn. The worst, though, is regretting as the consequences roll back to you, but it's not for now, so why bother ?!

Have you ever watched the eyes of a piano player when her/his fingers are dancing on the tuts? Well, for me, most of the times my puppy eyes will be closed. It's something I can't help, just automatically. For sure, I can't close my eyes when I still learn the notes. But I can guarantee you, the minute I got the tune and melody in my head, my eyes retreat and wander around in other realm, the world of that particular music.

Music, for me, encapsulates most -if not all- of things that happened in my life.

I lost my mom when I was 8. She's the one who first taught me how to play. I would play the song from hymns as she gently wept and withered in her bed. I played, my eyes were closed.

I met my mentor in life when my father was searching for someone to continue to teach me play. He did not only teach me Mozart and Bach (of course Chopin and Beethoven), but he taught me how to believe in something that I put away along with my grieve. He taught me how to play God, a minuscule part of the Providence and I closed my eyes.

I met my life I knew now when I was playing an organ in a church. A man came and praised my playing. He offered me a place in Uncle Sam's big house to play music there. My heart pounded, my eyes were open big. My father said no, it has to be medicine or engineering. My heart broke, my eyes dimmed, I played alone.

I keep on playing, people keep on showering with compliments. None of them know, each tuts I press, it brought me a glimpse of memory, of things that continue to stay with me, forever. Like the changing of one tone to another, the melody continues, I know in my journey of life, as one phase fade sout and the other unfolds, my eyes will be closed,
but my heart will remain open.

That was very beautiful. Did you just make it up while you were playing? with those closed eyes?

A Family Can Be Found Anywhere

A family can be found anywhere

A home can be build anywhere. One can build it inside a small classroom or a confined computer room. You can build it in a noisy and hot food court or maybe a cozy study room

It can be inside a tall and proud cobble stone building

A family can be of anyone

It can mean 4 brothers and 8 sisters, and 1 big uncle :)

A brother can be anyone

For me

He can be a vulcanologist turned to seismologist who taught you to appreciate every single moment. He can be the guy who always sit by the door and drink any kind of Ultra Milk. He can be bald, and skinny, and a fan of Slipknot. He can be the one who promised to biketracking with you. Well, who knows when you will meet him :)

He, of course, can be funny and talkative and silly and helpful at the same time. He can be a person who likes to have Indomie for breakfast. He can be a very good leader, who handle most of the managements from working with your visas and karaoke. So if one day you met him, please remember that he didn't like to wear any watch or accessories.

Sometimes, he can be the boy who surprised you with his singing talent!! You'll never think that any MOFA's employee can sing a good dangdut. That man can be your brother too. You have to be careful because he can be so humble and at the same time, proud of his photocopying capability!! If you find a government man who showed good sport to every condemnation, then you've found him.

He can be an architect-wanna-be who tried to savvy that damn Freudian Psychoanalysis. He can be very open and a good listener at the same time with Singlish accent and Sundanese here and there. He can be the person you can always talk to, from how to save your relationship to tricks on crossing the street. Maybe you'll find him telling dirty jokes, if you're lucky.

A sister can be anyone

For me,

She can be a modest pianist, arranger, knitter, and singer. She can be someone whom you have so many things in common with, from idolizing Satoshi Tsumabuki to adoring Try Tone, from not wanting to do master in Japan to sea food and nasi goreng teri medan lover. She can be, like you, an IR apostate and hopefully find rest not so far from sociology :)

She can be a too-good-looking-to-be-a-lecturer lady who tried to prove that her daughter diet is anything but worse than those fat chubby kids. If you find a woman who told you that the best job she ever had is flight attendant then you know you've found this wonderful sister.

For sure, she can be a real good civil servant who deals with biofuel, God hears her!!! She can be the person you met in Karaoke always with good marks and up to date songs (who the hell is Taylor Swift???!!!). You can always tell her, when you see a woman so passionate and so lively when arguing something really matter to her. That's her!!!

She might be a little bit silent and calm but be patient and you'll hear extraordinary comments coming from her mouth. She can be the person who always have this take-it-easy-lah style, no need to rush, never hustle. Then when you see her, presenting her thoughts, you will understand that this kind of sister is not easy to find.

She can always be a lot older than you but with an evergreen smile. She can be the person who you will always nod everytime she asks you something. You'll go miles for her errands, in return for delicious dinner :p. A woman who always win debate on population and vocabulary game, that sounds like her.

Oh yes she can be a person who sometimes you wonder how come she knows so many things. She can be a woman who will give you a positive critics, appreciation, and little compliments now and then, never with any hesitation. If you wonder where all the candies gone, then surely she's around you.

She can be what you called breeze and calm wind. A little bit shy and coy, one you can never think to have two kids and your question will be,'How come you stay slim?' That very fine lady will answer you nothing but her beautiful smile will keep you quiet. Ah, if you meet her, please on behalf of me, ask her to dance.

She can be a girl you envy for having a good english and unique eyes. However, you can do nothing but to love her, since she is a big fan of Alanis, like you!! She can be that very person who shocked you with her laughing, like every little joke is so hilarious. So when you find someone giggle with you at the same time, you know whom you've met.

A big uncle can be anyone

For me,

He can be a sarcastic teacher who gets less and less hair everyday. He can be so expressive to the point he will run amock out of class but like to avoid emotional situations. He can be the one who desperately taught you to well pronounce participatory and got mad every time you say 'mention about and discuss about'. He can be the teacher who told you that you are the brightest ones, that you shouldn't underestimate yourselves, that you shouldn't expect that every western people is as smart as him. He can be the teacher who left you with so many silly quotations that you'll remember by heart. If you heard a bald man said amusingly,'KAMU LAGI!!!!' then you know it's him.

and me,

well, like my friend once said, a family is shawl and I'm just a thread.

A family can be found anywhere

and you will amaze how simple it is

For me,

there were unfolding arms

mine and theirs

They opened their hearts

I opened mine

and that's all the difference there was.

Death and All His Friends

Death is a distant rumor to the young. ~Andrew A. Rooney

Introducing Pak Jumari, a clerk who has been working for UGM for more than 20 years. He's now counting down his pensioner time. Pak Jum doesn't have much work to fuss about (not like me :p ). He arrives at 7 o'clock, opens all the doors, switches on all the ACs, and does some mere cleanings. Occasionally during the day, he goes to the kitchen to do some dishes while chatting with one or two friends. Sometimes, TURT (Households and correspondence) will call him to do cleanings in other part of this big office. But most of the times, I find him lazying around or sleeping.

There's one thing Pak Jum frequently do in which I find I begin to develop a curiosity. Going to funeral. It is so often that one of his friends or relatives calls him (I handle all his calls now, like his own secretary) to inform that another friends or relatives of them died and are buried. He then will begin to give me a iffy explanations and lame details, and off he goes!

Sometimes, I wonder how many funerals can one attend during one's life? Well as I can recall during this 11 months of working here, Pak Jum had attended 10 funerals more or less. One funeral for one month. I remembered, it was probably in the mid of April, when Pak Jum attended 3 funerals in just two weeks. WOW!!! The deceased were his neighbors and it involved some ordinary mystical belief -a sort of competition between nearby cemeteries-.

Anyway, though I sometimes sceptically accept his reasoning for leaving the office -which might be an excuse for him to skip the day I suspect (but who can blame him -his work is totally mundane-)- I feel myself unable to forbid him to leave, or to just question his excuse -even if I want it, even if there is a solid ground to suspect him. In his age, no one can question a reasoning of one friend's death and funeral to take a day off.

Death, die, dying, dead, in Pak Jum age, are trite events and wordings. I think Pak Jum has accustomed to death and with every respect to him, Pak Jum might have lived it to the point where it resound nothing extraordinary. Is it had to be related to age? Well, though I have to admit that every one, each of us, lives our life with death floating in the air, aging makes one is prone to sickness, casualty, degradation, and therefore nearer to death.

Ah, this is quite a scary topics, but as someone says ( I forget who), you haven't lived until you think of death constantly :)

* picture

Take A Bow For You

Life is crazy
and you've been living it so well

you do the jump with borrowed skateboard
learn the geek softwares and to plug the LAN Cable
you even master the red hat linux
and show your own tofu- salad dressing skill

you study 14 different lessons in a week
biology, math, physics, sociology, and party
you survive more tiesan 20s too-sweet-birthday cake
and manage your chin up for forgotten birthdays

so congratulations
you need to take a bow for yourself

you prove yourself able to accomplish all the deadlines
while keeping up with the news and the gossips
and when you screw all the tests
you hold on to yourself


in your life that somehow went nowhere
you retain from killing yourself
even take time to be a devoted blogger
life's like a messy room, but still you find a place to sleep

so congratulations
you need to take a bow for yourself

you buy the needles, do the knitting
and give a sweater to beloved one
the one you soon realize philandering
!! but somehow you chill out and enjoy your ice cream time


you pass all the hots and cools
flu, fevers, measles, and some psychosomatic symptoms
with or without Prozac

so congratulations
you need to take a bow for yourself

you lurk yourself inside cabinet
to meet your schizophrenic need
but never let away for too long your breath

yesterday someone hit you
and others hissed behind you
life is so rough and so 'grrrr'
but that's what those self-help books for

so congratulations
you need to take a bow for yourself


you do the aikido and research well
and your friend got invited to the government gala dinner
while your ex enjoying the sight of big apple
you pass jealousy and hatred
with or without tear


you survive all the lust world serve you
without losing your sanity and desire
and miyabi doesn't get the best of you
you've done your self definition so far

so congratulations
you need to take a bow for yourself

learn how to not over do make up
to make a diorama for some reasons you wonder why
learn how to sing in a choir to savvy the state of world's security
learn how to survive never-ending job interviews
to force a smile when the answer is sorry
learn how to best adapt to awkward situations
to recycle worn out dating series

learn sometimes life's so unkind
and your journey stuck in between reality and dream
that you blew out so many good changes
and ended up with wrong choices
maturity doesn't resound anything real to you
and your parents keep nagging at you
but you manage to survive those rounds

so congratulations
you need to take a bow for yourself


we need to take a bow for you
shall we ?

The Road Less Travelled

They say take the road less travelled
but I walk the road you've walked
and I feel no regret...
I feel no regret...

I wowed my self with big Ben and Yo
let the memories froze in Prambanan

Never been I so mystified
but the ruin Taman Sari and big smiled Dey
gave me precious pictures

I sang my heart out
when I rehearsed the grieving tune of Bach
Oh I remembered the smiles and the frowns there in Kota Baru
and I cried out

I learned life can be so mean
from yellow walled tiny room in Tri Edhi
and friends, they might not always be true

But I healed as my life went on
I found my rhythm
singing along with Billy and Joe
walking our step down every corner's of UGM

and friends, I met some more
dancing like we knew it
leaving traces in Depok Beach, Kaliurang,
and I left dreams in their li'l comfy room

I glanced the beauty of art with Sondy
through the jungle of Beringharjo
I embraced the carefree of life with Vera and Nova
jumped from one simple pleasure to another in that small Gallery
Silly things I did with pimpled Lina
eyed all our crush on the pavement faded away
and episodes of prozac matters with sweet Vini

Along the road Godean, I squeezed my self
with calm Deta and funny Nael
somehow I'm always able to recall the moment

I was full of wonder
I danced so slowly
love's not for me for now, I thought then

Somehow, the red rose found a place
it was around 6 o'clock pm and dark
somewhere around Sosio Yustisia blocks
with his helmet put on,
I believed cupid live in Jogja

From the series of Rp. 10.000 movie in Mataram
to one simple sneaky kiss behind painted canvas of an exhibition in Societet
From melancholy feeling of Angkringan Sendowo
to grandiosity of Ambarukmo
From good food exploration
to rally of Daendels street of Kulon Progo
From lovely white sand beaches of Gunung Kidul
to mountains of Sleman

270506 05.55 5.9 6234
The moment I was woken up by the rumble earth
and for the fragile of human, I cried and grieved

To Sketsa Sagan fam,
they'll have my biggest grin
for teaching me to chill out life a bit
and knitting around with Poyeng

then I found new home
next to dearest Inong, Tati, and now Uli, Ribka, and Rina
with heart open, I learned new lessons in Karang Wuni
from understanding a hard life of Ardel
to tricks to live with over-audible neighbors

Some lessons I took
from the streets in those days under your dim lightbulb
Tugu, Jetis, Mirota
ah...little children on the street
craving for Aibon and food

And that old old malioboro
which often I wandered alone
rejuvenate the ups and the downs
the empty and the full
the high and the low
the loves and the hates
I have for the city I dwell in

and those benches in Vrederburg
will always be my refuge
my rendezvous with the soul of the city kept in my heart

Happy Birthday Jogja

Some Q&As about Street Children

Many of you might have some questions about street children but probably you don't know where to ask. Or you might want to help but don't know where to start. Well, to give you some brief explanation, here I post questions one of my dear freind Cher Soon in Singapore had asked me and of course, my answer to his.

Cher Soon:
Clara! I just dropped by ur blog n i have to say u take amazing pics!
I'm really curious abt those street kids.
Can u tell me more about their situation?
R they mostly orphans? abandoned by their parents?
or come from disadvantaged families?
do they need financial help? or more of motivation to get back to school?
Tell me more!

Me:
Thx u Eddie. Sorry for my late reply, I had to dig a bit for your answers.

Well, kids on the street is a complicated issue. It's hard to figure out their numbers, their exact characteristics, even up until now, we don't have one solid definition bout them that we all may come to agree. Street children in different countries or towns have different nature though they may share some similarities.

As for street kids I have encountered, most of them come from poor families, often worsen by disfuctionality in their families. Some are run-away kids who don't feel themselves fit into society, school, or their families, few are separated and abandoned and practically "orphanage" , some are simply on the street with their families.

Some children are on the street for just a few hours and still go to school, but most of them drop-out, not finishing compulsory education. So it's not surprising many of them are ililterate and those who can read, have a low interest in reading books or even newspaper.

They do need financial help. But financial help alone will not be helping at all. Arita for example, the girl you wrote a postcard to, was receiving scholarships but it didn't work. Her parents wanted her to keep begging on the street while schooling. Not having enough energy to do both, humiliated by her friends at school, finally she gave up school.

Money matters and it hurts you when you have this kid willing to get back to school and you don't have enough money to send him. But it takes more than money.

Some of them aren't interested in continuing their education. Since they find out that they can make a lot on the street. They get used to the freedom, the glue-sniffing, the drugs, and so on. The hardest part is to change their "street-mentality".

I am now running a project called "Library Box" aiming to provide access for street children to good, variative, interesting books. It will be easy and portable, so they can read books right on the street while doing their activities. In the long run, we hope as they begin to fancy reading, they will have more interest in getting back to school. I have to admit, it's a long journey, and just collecting few books is already a pain ^^. Don't worry I'll survive

I've written enough I guess. If you have another questions, feel free to ask me anytime. And gud luck w/ ur job hunting.

Take Care Eddie

p.s may I post your questions and my answers in my blog. I think it's quite informative.