Crappy Writings 1

If love is a religion, then we are all on-off apostates.

Well, we had a fight last night. Ok, not really a fight with melodramatic words or flood of tears or with raising pitch voice. It was just (at least for me), an attempt of heart to heart discussion which turned out to be a one way communication with bitter resume for both.

It was all about misunderstanding. How I felt I've been misunderstood and yes, it works also for him, he felt he's been misunderstood. So much for nearly 4 years of relationship.

It leads me thinking how fragile is one relationship. It grows cold, turns out sour, and at some points you wonder where all those happiness gone. I witness many couples broke and failed, I was one of them or maybe I will be (for good or bad) another victim of bad relationship (or it'd better be said, the persecutor).

I saw one of my neighbor came to my mom, cried all day and without even asking anyone, I understand the reason why. What else other than philandering husband. I see friends trapped inside self abusive relationships going upside down like a super rollercoaster, spending liters of tears and an amount of tissues. While some are (trying hard to be) happy with their demanding partner. Some got deceived and fooled. Options left, closed your eyes and learn to numb it, live it, or bang!! head on out the door.

I am no better off.

While I don't have right to judge, it seems to me relationship (and so called love) is much too complicated to comprehend. For me, most of the times, to get along with someone you (think you) love is like to open a pandora box. One could never know what's inside. No matter how deep you (think you) know that person, gamble is one of the facets you face. Hopefully, you bet on the lucky card.

More over, people changes whether you like it or not and in other ways they remain the same, no matter how bad you want them to change. Today's good boy might surprise you some day. Who knows, maybe your lover is a devoted masochist? Will you brave enough to leap or walk away or you just let him get others to satisfy him? Extreme example, but then again you'll never know.

Maybe there is some differences between worn out relationship and love-drain. Probably they are two things with similar symptoms. Worn out relationship is just like saying "I love him but I'm not in love with him" (quote from Vicky Christina Barcelona). While love drain is living in a relationship like a zombie. If you ever watch "The Hours" you must get the idea. You act automatically not naturally. You put aside your emotions. Both however can be fixed (well, most of the times).

Anyway, though you have to gamble a lot or a few, though you will never know for sure, I believe in every relationship you will find some space to improve whether yourself, your partner, or your relations or hopefully all the three.

So, life goes on, and love is our lifelong job. No matter how bad you want to take days off, you'll eventually get back to it.

Some Q&As about Street Children

Many of you might have some questions about street children but probably you don't know where to ask. Or you might want to help but don't know where to start. Well, to give you some brief explanation, here I post questions one of my dear freind Cher Soon in Singapore had asked me and of course, my answer to his.

Cher Soon:
Clara! I just dropped by ur blog n i have to say u take amazing pics!
I'm really curious abt those street kids.
Can u tell me more about their situation?
R they mostly orphans? abandoned by their parents?
or come from disadvantaged families?
do they need financial help? or more of motivation to get back to school?
Tell me more!

Me:
Thx u Eddie. Sorry for my late reply, I had to dig a bit for your answers.

Well, kids on the street is a complicated issue. It's hard to figure out their numbers, their exact characteristics, even up until now, we don't have one solid definition bout them that we all may come to agree. Street children in different countries or towns have different nature though they may share some similarities.

As for street kids I have encountered, most of them come from poor families, often worsen by disfuctionality in their families. Some are run-away kids who don't feel themselves fit into society, school, or their families, few are separated and abandoned and practically "orphanage" , some are simply on the street with their families.

Some children are on the street for just a few hours and still go to school, but most of them drop-out, not finishing compulsory education. So it's not surprising many of them are ililterate and those who can read, have a low interest in reading books or even newspaper.

They do need financial help. But financial help alone will not be helping at all. Arita for example, the girl you wrote a postcard to, was receiving scholarships but it didn't work. Her parents wanted her to keep begging on the street while schooling. Not having enough energy to do both, humiliated by her friends at school, finally she gave up school.

Money matters and it hurts you when you have this kid willing to get back to school and you don't have enough money to send him. But it takes more than money.

Some of them aren't interested in continuing their education. Since they find out that they can make a lot on the street. They get used to the freedom, the glue-sniffing, the drugs, and so on. The hardest part is to change their "street-mentality".

I am now running a project called "Library Box" aiming to provide access for street children to good, variative, interesting books. It will be easy and portable, so they can read books right on the street while doing their activities. In the long run, we hope as they begin to fancy reading, they will have more interest in getting back to school. I have to admit, it's a long journey, and just collecting few books is already a pain ^^. Don't worry I'll survive

I've written enough I guess. If you have another questions, feel free to ask me anytime. And gud luck w/ ur job hunting.

Take Care Eddie

p.s may I post your questions and my answers in my blog. I think it's quite informative.

Simple Things

"Oh, simple things where have you gone...?"
Well, they are not far, actually. I found some in Gunung Kidul (literally means Southern Mountain, part of Yogyakarta), precisely in Baron Beach.

These tiny beautiful creatures just simply exist there without being annoyed by the crowds below, or people rushing, or the sound of waves, nor they annoy anyone. Seeing them, somehow makes me think, in this huge universe overwhelmed by its complexity, someone bothers to keep them unharm and thus let them share their simple beauty. It must have been A Providence. They are small yet beautiful and they take no care of the probability that no one would ever admire the beauty.

While, man.... ah they think they are too great for this whole universe, yet they are the most vulnerable creature ever made. Money they have cannot even buy protection these little fellows own without a penny. Then... even with the angels cry... they, the human, die in a blast.

What keeps you going?

Don't you ever feel like quitting something you've started but somehow you just keep doing it? That's what I feel right now. Well, it's not like I really want to quit and abandon everything, I am tempted to take a pause for a while. But instead of taking a period of hiatus, I find myself continue doing all those things even in a more agressive way.

Those things include contacting people I've long ignored, persuading them to donate their old books and mags, urging some peoples to submit their writings, calling and asking things in nearly self humiliating way. Some went smoothly, while some turned out to be useless failed attempts. But again, I can't help myself to quit.

The reasons? Well, I can't think of any exact explanation for this almost-self-destructing habit (oh ok not a habit). It could be workaholic (who am I trying to fool?), or inner passion ( I hope it's not) or simply I just can't find reasons good enough to make me quitting.

Of all those things I'm doing for street children for example, I have to confess that they didn't solely come from my compassion for them. I mean I love them to some extent and sometimes my heart breaks to see them on the street, the place they don't belong to. But what I feel for them is quite complex. A mix of pity, compassion, refusal, indifference, pain, and anger. I might have came to a point where I get used to them. I'm starting to see them as a common part of my daily activities, my prayers, my works. So common, I slowly forget the first time I got a kick out of the pain looking at their eyes.

So what keeps me going the most is probably the willing to do things right, the urgency to get things done, to make what I've started matters for others but above all, for me. And I haven't arrived there yet....

Stigma, Hambatan untuk Berkawan

Writer: Ardi Nuswantoro
Contributor: Chandra Siagian
Edited by Clara Siagian
will be published in 1st ed. of Rumah Impian Buletin
english translation to come ^^

Stigma, Hambatan Untuk Berkawan

Stigma adalah pencelaan terhadap karakteristik personal. Sebagai tahap awal bagi munculnya marjinalisasi dan diskriminasi, stigma menjadi sebuah hukuman berat bagi mereka yang terpaksa mempertahankan hidup di jalanan.

Belakangan, anak jalanan di Yogyakarta semakin menjamur. Kemunculan mereka menambah semrawutnya lalu lintas kota dengan wujud dekil, kostum kotor, dan bau yang kadang tidak mengenakkan. Jalan-jalan raya dipenuhi mereka mencari uang di jalanan dengan berbagai cara seperti menjadi pengamen, pengelap kendaraan, penyemir sepatu, penjual koran, bahkan beberapa disinyalir menjadi penjaja seks komersial. Lalu bagaimana masyarakat melihat keberadaan mereka?

Meningkatnya jumlah anak jalanan setiap tahun ini diakui oleh Aris Merdeka Sirait, aktifis Komnas Perlindungan Anak dalam wawancara dengan Radio Netherland beberapa tahun lalu. Data Dinas Sosial Kota Bandung pun memperkuat kenyataan ini. Pada tahun 2007 menyebutkan angka 4200 untuk jumlah anak jalanan terdaftar di kota ini. Tahun 2008, jumlah berlipat ganda menjadi 8000 anak. Secara keseluruhan, berdasarkan data tahun 2003, jumlah anak jalanan di Indonesia secara keseluruhan mencapai lebih dari 50.000 anak.

Lain Bandung, lain pula Jogja. Meskipun jumlah anak jalanan di kota ini lebih kecil, pertumbuhannya tetap saja mengkhawatirkan. Dinas Sosial memperlihatkan data lama jumlah anak jalanan Jogja yang mencapai 245 anak pada tahun 1997. Setelah krisis ekonomi terjadi, jumlah ini meningkat tajam mencapai 1373 pada tahun 1999 (hasil pendataan Tim Asistensi kerjasama Universitas Atmajaya Jakarta dan Departemen Sosial). Data lama tersebut memperlihatkan pertumbuhan anak jalanan yang mencapai 500 persen ketika krisis terjadi. Artinya, kemungkinan pertambahan akan selalu ada mengingat beban hidup yang harus ditanggung setiap keluarga miskin kota juga semakin berat setiap tahun.

Lepas dari tanggung jawab orang tua, berbagai cara lalu dilakukan anak jalanan untuk mempertahankan hidup. Beragam cara mulai dari pengamen, pengelap kendaraan, penyemir sepatu, penjual koran, bahkan penjaja seks komersial adalah cara yang biasa dilakukan untuk mencari sesuap nasi. Tentu saja, cara tersebut adalah cara yang dipandang rendah oleh sebagian besar masyarakat.

Soal tempat berlindung, bermacam jenis tempat pun mereka gunakan. Sembilan puluh satu kantong anak jalanan hasil survei Dinas Sosial tahun 1999 adalah tempat berlindung yang memperkuat stigma. Lihat saja, mereka berlindung di emperan toko, kuburan, rumah kardus, terminal, stasiun, bahkan lokalisasi. Dari cara hidup seperti ini, stigma pun muncul dan berkembang.

Stigma yang muncul seakan membenarkan berbagai teori tentang stigma sosial. Berbagai literatur memperlihatkan bagaimana karakteristik dan tingkah laku personal adalah modal utama stigma. Melirik kembali pada karakteristik dan tingkah laku personal anak jalanan, maka wajar jika kemudian stigma muncul.

Lalu seperti apakah stigma anak jalanan di mata masyarakat ? “Anak jalanan itu jorok, kotor, gatrus.terjerumus ke dalam dunia gelap gitu” kata Karib, Mahasiswa Psikologi UGM ketika ditanya tentang anak jalanan. Pengakuan tersebut setidaknya mewakili berbagai stigma negatif yang berkembang dalam masyarakat tentang anak jalanan. berpendidikan, kurang kasih sayang orang tua,

Menjadi anak jalanan bukanlah hukuman seumur hidup. Dengan bantuan dan fasilitasi dari berbagai pihak, anak jalanan bisa keluar dari dunia gelap mereka. “Kalo mereka dikasih kesempatan untuk berkembang bisa jadi baik kok" ujar Karib menyelipkan harapan.

Pendapat serupa juga dilontarkan oleh Wani, Mahasiswa tingkat akhir Fakultas Hukum UGM. Wani mengungkapkan bahwa semua anak jalanan memiliki bakat unik. “Bahwa bakat anak jalanan yang difasilitasi akan memperbaiki kualitas hidup mereka.” ujar Wani. Pengakuan Wani dan Karib ini memang menyelipkan harapan bagi anak jalanan.

Harapan Wani dan Karib membenarkan survei yang dilakukan oleh Christian Children Fund terhadap sejumlah anak jalanan. Menurut CCF, 70 persen anak jalanan yang mereka wawancarai masih memiliki mimpi untuk menyelesaikan bangku sekolah. Sementara itu, 60 persen anak jalanan masih bermimpi untuk meninggalkan jalanan. Namun stigma memang sudah terlanjur menjadi diskriminasi. Alhasil, kesempatan anak jalanan untuk melanjutkan kehidupan normal dibayang-bayangi dan dihambat stigma masyarakat.

Stigma adalah perlakuan yang terlalu menghakimi bagi anak jalanan. Dengan stigma, anak jalanan secara tidak langsung telah dikeluarkan dari struktur masyarakat. Anak jalanan kemudian dilihat sebagai makhluk asing atau ekses sistem sosial yang sebenarnya tidak diharapkan kehadirannya. Padahal, jika ditelusur lebih dalam, anak jalanan bagaimana pun juga adalah anak-anak, dan stigma telah berperan sebagai pembunuh karakter bagi mereka. Stigma yang melekat dalam jangka waktu panjang akan mengalami internalisasi, sehingga korban stigma pada akhirnya akan melihat dirinya sejalan dengan stigma yang ada padanya. Begitu pun anak jalanan, yang notabenenya masih berada dalam usia perkembangan menuju kedewasaan.

Bagi masyarakat, stigma yang berkembang akan mempengaruhi respon masyarakat terhadap keberadaan anak jalanan. Lebih jauh, program dari berbagai LSM pun akan tersendat ketika masyarakat enggan berpartisipasi. Sementara itu LSM pun kerap menggiatkan kegiatan yang hanya bertitik tolak dari pemahaman stigma yang sempit dan hanya bertujuan memperbaiki pandangan negatif masyarakat. Di sisi lain, stigma juga mempengaruhi respon anak jalanan terhadap berbagai program yang dijalankan. Setidaknya, penolakan dan ketidakpercayaan adalah respon standar anak jalanan.

Berbeda dengan Wani, Asri berpendapat lain. Menurut mahasiswa Psikologi UGM ini, anak jalanan muncul salah satunya karena eksploitasi orang tua. "Makin banyak anak jalanan, karena makin banyak orang 'murah hati', yang membuat orang tua mereka mengeksploitasi itu" kata Asri. Pendapat Asri ini kemudian dibenarkan oleh Slamet, penarik becak yang sudah hampir 15 tahun mangkal di perempatan pingit. Menurut Slamet, beberapa orang tua sering terlihat menunggui anaknya mengemis di perempatan. “Bahkan ada juga yang bapaknya punya motor bagus tapi anaknya disuruh ngemis” kata Slamet[1].

Di jalanan, banyak para pengguna jalan yang kesal terhadap keberadan anak jalanan. “Mereka mengganggu lalu lintas. Anak-anak jalanan yang masih kecil menjadikan jalan sebagai tempat bermain. Jika tertabrak lalu pengguna jalan yang disalahkan” ujar Wakijan[2], seorang tukang becak tua di Jetis. Menurut Wakijan, kecelakaan memang sudah terjadi beberapa kali di perempatan tersebut.

Pengguna jalan seperti Slamet dan Wakijan mungkin sudah tidak asing lagi dengan kondisi seperti ini. Menurut Slamet, beberapa anak jalanan yang masih kecil memang sengaja diperalat orang tua untuk mencari uang. “Biasanya mereka ditunggu orang tua” ujar Wakijan. Keadaan ini tentunya sangat memprihatinkan mengingat anak-anak hakekatnya memiliki hak untuk penghidupan dan pendidikan seperti yang tertulis di Konvensi Hak Anak yang telah diratifikasi Indonesia sejak Oktober 1989. “Mereka hanyalah korban orang tua yang tidak bertanggung jawab” ujar Wakijan menyesali keadaan.

Sebagai tukang becak, Slamet mengungkapkan kekesalannya terhadap anak jalanan yang beranjak dewasa. Hal ini beralasan karena sebagian besar anak jalanan yang beranjak dewasa kemudian menjadi preman. Slamet menyayangkan otak dan tenaga kuat mereka yang sebenarnya bisa dipakai untuk memperbaiki hidup. “Anak muda yang berpikiran sehat pasti memikirkan jalan bagaimana keluar dari jalanan” ujarnya.

Menurut Slamet, sudah menjadi pemandangan umum di Pingit jika setiap malam preman-preman nongkrong menghabiskan waktu mereka. “Mereka hanya luntang-lantung ke sana kemari tanpa tujuan yang jelas. Mereka hanya senang hura-hura. Jika ada uang lebih, mereka minum-minum, lalu masyarakat pun terganggu” ujar Slamet yang mulai jengah terhadap keberadaan anak jalanan.

Perbedaan umur memang kadang kemudian menjadi pembeda karakteristik anak jalanan. Anak jalanan yang masih kecil memang memancing simpati sebagian masyarakat. Seperti diungkapkan Asri, anak jalanan kecil tampak sebagai korban tidak bertanggung jawabnya orang tua. Sementara itu, keberadaan anak jalanan dewasa terkadang memunculkan kekesalan tersendiri. Seperti pengakuan Slamet, anak jalanan dewasa hanya memperlihatkan kemalasan.

Stigma masyarakat terhadap keberadaan anak jalanan bukanlah tak beralasan. Pengakuan beberapa orang telah menegaskan stigma anak jalanan. Akan tetapi, benarkah anak jalanan adalah anak nakal, kotor, susah diatur, korban orang tua, dan sampah masyarakat?

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[1] Slamet – parsidi – tukan becak pingit 1970, temanggung, 15 tahun mbecak

[2] Wakijan – tukilan tukang becak jetis, 1943, gunung kidul, 30 tahun menjadi tukang becak