No Worries, Mate!!

And so it is,
It's gonna be that smallest continent where a bulk of young Indonesians were sent to study and hopefully back for good. It's Aussie, mate!!!

It was kind of surprise. I was in Jakarta, escaped from all the hastiness of life. Ah no, my boyfriend was going for some interview for India scholarship. Intimidated by the rustic and cruel image of our capital city, he asked me to accompany him. Seeing the chance to escape a while from my mundane life, I agreed (he paid half for my travel cost, I have to say, not to make me sounds cheap :p).

After the interview, we went to meet his friend and his friend's friends, had some dinner which was amazingly expensive, thank God I didn't have to pay for it :p (again, not that I'm cheap, I just have had better). By that time, one of their friend whom I also knew, said that she had been accepted as an awardee for ADS -which she already knew from before the interview phase she wouldn't take it- For this matter, I think I will write other post.

Anyway, I was asked then. I was surprised since I thought that the result would be announced no earlier than March. Fraud, that was my first thought. But that was it, the result had been announced. I wasn't happy with the prospect to be an awardee of ADS. I didn't know why possibly because I was still fascinated by Europe particularly studying in Erasmus University, Netherlands or maybe I haven't prepared myself to re-separate again, for another long distance relationship. I was accepted, for good or for bad, at least for that time.

Somehow, as I recall my memories back before the announcement, I remembered what my heart felt when I watched the movie Australia. Even today, every time I watched the trailer, listen to the OST especially By The Boab Tree, my heart melt, and my body shiver. Yeah, Hugh Jackman plays the protagonist there and I have to admit his charm contribute largely to make me mesmerized.

When I first watched the movie, I felt drown to the dessert, savanna, the bush, and the boab tree. The boab tree particularly is one of the reminiscence from The Little Prince novel. I long to see the tree and touch it. Though I tried to deny it, another voice told me,"you'll be in Australia'. And it came to reality.

Now, I'm quite overwhelmed by all the preparations, and stuffed by the sentimental feeling of goodbye. Oh no, I'm starting to cry :(

But like Australian's popular saying, no worries, mate.. no worries...

Hope for The Flowers

(This) Next Year, Baby

du du du du

Here some of my 2010 resolutions

HUH!!!! Who are you kidding, Junkie? You are not even in the same constellation with the planet of commitment, strong will satellite, and the orbit of resolution.

1. I will not pay any fine or sanction.

Lame..? Yes, indeed. I ain't gonna save the world by being the most punctual subscriber. But who care, all resolutions in the first place must be selfish. I'm gonna save my pocket from burning to nothing

2. I will involve in a good part time

Means some well paid-lots-of-fun-carefree-flexible-good-for-CV- work (haha)

3. I will be a devoted prayer

Practically increasing my quick and routine prayer of 3 minutes to well, 30 minutes. Oh wait it, that's intimidating, say just 15 minutes (Oh God, what will we chat about? My life? You're going to get sleepy, it's totally mundane)

4. I will travel somewhere in Indonesia

Not my hometown, not around Jogja, not getting lost in Jakarta especially the jungle of Glodok. Somewhere remote, exotic, wild, inspiring, bla bla bla bla, and CHEAP

5. I will finish my story (any of them)

What were them? The fisherman and the kidney girl? No... I think it was the genie and the camel? No.. no... no... one of them is kind of fishy, involving some Koi or Goldfish. Oh well, there are still 360 days to remember those unaccompanied minors.

6. I will gain 5 kgs

HAHAHAHAHA. That's exactly why I am the worst person ever making resolution !!! Impractical, impossible, lack of feasibility, wishful, you mention it!!!

7. I will make more resolutions next year

and this year resolutions will be at top list of my next year resolutions with a very high probability.

Hey, I already told you I'm a masochistic skeptic right?

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE!!! HOPE You were not drunk when writing this year resolutions :)

And So This Is Christmas

Friend: 'Any plan for Christmas?'
Me : 'Nope. I think I will just go to the church'
Friend: 'Same here. Maybe I should just clean up my room, watch Sang Pemimpi. I also want to go for star gazing'.
Me: 'I guess it might be good, to have a real 'silent-night' Christmas'

It's christmas time and all around we can hear those typical Christmas songs played over and over again. O Holy Night, God Bless Ye Merry, Gentleman, in one CD with Last Christmas. Well, it maybe a loss or it could be a gain, when artists created Christmas songs without any philosophical thought on the born baby (arbitrarily celebrated on 25th December). Songs like Blue Christmas, All I Want For Christmas is You, Last Christmas, and even Christmas Song and Jingle Bells. They are nice songs with nice tune and they make you miss your family and beloved ones *snob.

It is a loss. Those songs simply put Christmas as a mark of seasonal holidays and celebrations. As a child, I think of Christmas as a time for shopping, gifts, new clothes and shoes, decorated trees, illuminations, a short speech of some short biblical prophetic verses and of course holidays. As a teenage girl, I welcome Christmas with anxiety (am I wearing perfect gown?), whimsical thought of mistletoe, unique card greetings, hectic and haste for extravagance parties and ceremonies, and maybe a little bit of (just a bit) of contemplation.

While now, I embrace Christmas (again) as a mark of the end of the year, and (again) holidays. It's the end of my contract, my job, and the beginning of series of wandering journey to come. It's the time to call all families (including the long ignored ones), emails writing, to delete messages from my cell phone inbox, to 'pay homage' to church. It's the time for some bogus 'love' celebrations, for some kids perform dance and drama for the sake of big grin on the old folks faces and sometimes for routine caroling. It's not wrong, though.

Since weeks ago, my friends has been ringing the ultimate question 'What do you plan for Christmas?'. I have been asking it too. So where's the savior, where's the sacrifice, where's the humility of being a mere human, where's the contemplation of grace, where's the praise for Divine humbleness? Where's the baby Jesus? If you're lucky you can find him on your church decorations, still lying on the manger.

It seems to me, we lose some Christ in our Christmas. Christ is only present in the wording: Christ-mas

The songs are not to be solely blamed. No, it's just a tiny part of this whole thing (I don't know what to call it) of worn-out, tiring Christmas. I can find some orientalism here :). It's totally pervasive. It's everywhere. It's your decorations, it's your longing for winter (most of us never even see snow shower, and many will never have the chance), it's your feeling of lunatic loneliness (is Christmas designed to be the time for family?). And its mine as well. But to condemn those pervasive 'western' cultures (you may call it) is the same pathetic orientalism.

So, anyway, what's the gain? Well, I can give you a long list of how fun it is to have this kind of Christmas. Holidays, new clothes, gifts. But that's what you call our loss, you may protest. That's it! I am driven to think of all those losses simply as my negative perspective (I have to admit, I can be very cynical -most of the times-). For now, at least, by realizing those losses (which came from my negative perspective) I come to the part where I start to think over the whole ideas of Christmas.

And so, my first attempt will depart from the above conversations between me and my friend. "I guess it might be good, to have a real 'silent-night' Christmas". It was (I'm 99% sure) a silent night. :)


ANYWAY, Happy Christmas and Happy Holiday, everyone!

~Welcome To Our World, by Michael W Smith~

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting
Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence
Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy
Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

A Good Investment

One day, I went somewhere on vacation with my fam. This conversation was happened while we were riding the narrow road among plateaus, green pasture, hundreds small houses. It was between my mom and my youngest sister Audy (10 years old).

Audy: This place is amazing !!! (amazed and wowing through the window). I wonder if there's any place more wonderful than this one.

Mom: Sure lot! You haven't place your feet on more than 4 provinces yet and that's only in Indonesia.

Audy: Yeaah! That's it, Mom!! I'm gonna get rich someday and travel all around Indonesia.. no...no... all around the world (showing greedy grin)

Mom: Money doesn't grow on tree! Study well then!! Maybe you can bring me somewhere around the globe (was trying to motivate my idly Audy)

Audy: (after a few moments of silence) I know now!!! You made many kids of your own so that when they grow up, you can take a lot from them. Travel here and there, buy this and that. So I understand now, that's what parents think of. But I ain't gonna fooled (snuffled). Sorry Mom, my own is mine!

Mom: (shrugged) You're not really a good investment (smiled to my pop who grinned, really did enjoy the conversation)

And so for me, that short conversation epitomizes the whole bunch of scholarly discourses, discontents, debates, and dialectics on children and childhood. Is kid a mere investment to her parents? Are children important because society invest a lot on them, on their childhood?

Or could it be that there no such thing as investment in childhood, it is just nothing more than investment in adulthood? Since children are matter because their potentiality of being the next adults (to work painstakingly to pay for parents pension :D )?

I'm gonna write about it
...someday...

#I'm not any better investment too :)

*picture