Crappy Writings 1

If love is a religion, then we are all on-off apostates.

Well, we had a fight last night. Ok, not really a fight with melodramatic words or flood of tears or with raising pitch voice. It was just (at least for me), an attempt of heart to heart discussion which turned out to be a one way communication with bitter resume for both.

It was all about misunderstanding. How I felt I've been misunderstood and yes, it works also for him, he felt he's been misunderstood. So much for nearly 4 years of relationship.

It leads me thinking how fragile is one relationship. It grows cold, turns out sour, and at some points you wonder where all those happiness gone. I witness many couples broke and failed, I was one of them or maybe I will be (for good or bad) another victim of bad relationship (or it'd better be said, the persecutor).

I saw one of my neighbor came to my mom, cried all day and without even asking anyone, I understand the reason why. What else other than philandering husband. I see friends trapped inside self abusive relationships going upside down like a super rollercoaster, spending liters of tears and an amount of tissues. While some are (trying hard to be) happy with their demanding partner. Some got deceived and fooled. Options left, closed your eyes and learn to numb it, live it, or bang!! head on out the door.

I am no better off.

While I don't have right to judge, it seems to me relationship (and so called love) is much too complicated to comprehend. For me, most of the times, to get along with someone you (think you) love is like to open a pandora box. One could never know what's inside. No matter how deep you (think you) know that person, gamble is one of the facets you face. Hopefully, you bet on the lucky card.

More over, people changes whether you like it or not and in other ways they remain the same, no matter how bad you want them to change. Today's good boy might surprise you some day. Who knows, maybe your lover is a devoted masochist? Will you brave enough to leap or walk away or you just let him get others to satisfy him? Extreme example, but then again you'll never know.

Maybe there is some differences between worn out relationship and love-drain. Probably they are two things with similar symptoms. Worn out relationship is just like saying "I love him but I'm not in love with him" (quote from Vicky Christina Barcelona). While love drain is living in a relationship like a zombie. If you ever watch "The Hours" you must get the idea. You act automatically not naturally. You put aside your emotions. Both however can be fixed (well, most of the times).

Anyway, though you have to gamble a lot or a few, though you will never know for sure, I believe in every relationship you will find some space to improve whether yourself, your partner, or your relations or hopefully all the three.

So, life goes on, and love is our lifelong job. No matter how bad you want to take days off, you'll eventually get back to it.